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Jace's avatar

If Israel ceased to exist, there still wouldn't be peace in the Middle East

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Yehudah Ben Avraham's avatar

All the right questions.

The Middle East is so complicated, but let me humbly try to simplify.

Israel is you. The Palestinians are Ted Bundy. The West is the local Sheriff.

The Sheriff will ensure that when Ted breaks into your apartment from the shanty he's built on your back porch (which poor misunderstood Ted seems to attempt daily and succeeds almost daily) that he will probably badly rape and maim you, but the Sheriff will probably stop him from fully killing you. Probably.

The Sherriff will also help you equip your apartment with better door locks and install security cameras here and there, but sternly cautions you that while he supports your right to armed self defence, under no circumstances does that defense allow you to pursue Ted with that handgun you legally own and have in the required gun safe. But the Sheriff's support for your self-defence is 'iron clad'. So Sheriff mandates Nerf bats as a proportionate response to Ted's behaviours. But not the 2000-lb versions.

You are however fully permitted to scratch Ted around the eyes while he's raping you, but not 'indiscriminately' or directly in the eyes. You must also never pursue Ted onto the back porch and certainly not into his shanty. That would be 'over the top'. That would be you escalating the whole situation. So just lie back while he violates you and think of England or a place in Israel if you really insist, but it better be well inside the Green Line and have a lot of Ted's cousins in it and votes Labour and hates Ben-G'vir.

Over the decades of 'living' with Ted on your back porch, you've tried everything carrot and stick to get his to stop raping you. But to no avail. Poor, oppressed Ted just can't help himself.

A thought comes into your mind now and then and, in some of your clearer moments where you don't self-edit and shrink from voicing it, you quietly propose that instead of killing Ted, or even arresting him, perhaps the Sheriff could just require Ted to move to the east side of the county, you know, on the other side of the river that runs through the county north to south.

This hasn't been tried before and would just allow you to put up enough razor wire on your side of the river to keep Ted at a safe distance where Ted's ground-launched rapes are no longer possible or you'd at least have sufficient lead time to call the Sheriff if Ted just can't contain himself.

Ted's family is everywhere on the east side the county anyway, he should fit right in. Heck, you'll even to pay for Ted's relocation, job training to start a new life there, and the cost of the tent he slept in on your back porch all those years.

The Sheriff, not to mention the entire city council, immediately condemns you as a 'racist colonist ethnic cleanser' for even suggesting this vile hate-plan and immediately sends more money, food, and bigger tents to Ted. The Sheriff and council also re-affirm Ted's right of resistance and self-determination for himself and his progeny in perpetuity through the establishment of still more tents on your back porch even though they declare repeatedly that Ted openly declares that he will continue his rape-o-rama until the sun blows up.

I hope this clarifies all the geo-political complexities.

Welcome to Israel!

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